I am lost in a world that is not my own. I drift and I grasp clawing to make sense of what lies before me in a world where there is no sense. I’ve lived 27 years ignorant that the inner-workings of my mind ticked from Asperger’s. I knew I was more introspective, observant, analytic, and possessed a different sort of depth within me. But I never saw how much deeper this depth ran until I stumbled upon Asperger’s traits unraveling and disrobing the mechanics of my very brain.
I started this blog as a healthy distraction and as another form of escape. This past year has been particularly challenging in sudden, unwelcome changes spiraling me beyond my control and ripping me from solid ground. Consequently, the threshold I didn’t know I had was lowered. With the new discovery of Asperger’s and my lowered tolerances, I am able to see this for what it is in all its rawness.
I do believe to have landed on the milder side of the spectrum. When life is right and my threshold is normal, most of the time, I don’t even notice this thing is there. But even on the lesser side, my life is greatly impacted, and in ways I had never noticed. This is a blog about my experiences and my perspective from where ever it is I land on the spectrum.
What I write is what I want people to know about me. What I write is what I wish were common knowledge. What I write is what I yearn for people to understand about ASD. I’m especially aware that lacking proper processing of nonverbal and communication skills in others, my opinion and perspective is often flawed. However, that is precisely why I express it here for others to know. Flawed or not, it helps no one shoving it under the rug. It’s still there. You only know what you know. Your perspective becomes your truth about life and others. If it’s out there, it can be understood, it can be fixed.
By showing my side of the world, I hope to shed some light on what many people with Asperger’s seem to be thinking and experiencing. I hope to lower the social dissonance created by ASD and non-ASD trains running on different tracks of brain chemistry and wiring. I wish to lower that gap and add a connection by showing people what we can think and, most importantly, why.